Four Years.

"He was my future husband, of that I was scarily certain, although I knew nothing more about him than that. It would become my repeated resolution to keep it that way. To know nearly nothing of him, and to expect nothing, for the long life of our marriage.

When we think we know someone, you see, we are already halfway to disappointment, and no one needs a head start on that.

This is not how we have learned to choose our partners, is it? This is not how we greet people, is it? With an open mind? With an eager hand? Like an unopened gift? Not when we make a life's work out of finding and keeping the perfect mate, the ideal match for our economic aspirations, political views, religious preference, height, weight, taste in coffee, and wardrobe sensibility - all ways we foolishly seek in another mere validation for ourselves. When we believe we know what's good for us, what's right, and what we're looking for - and believe me, we all do - we condemn all our current relationships and doom the ones to come."

                   - from Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezen Miller 

Our Wedding Ceremony: Marriage Address

 

 

Continuing on with sharing our Wedding Ceremony with you, here is one of my favorite parts of The Song of Solomon.

 

Our Officiant (my Mother) read this before delivering her Marriage Address.



Set me as a seal upon your heart,

as a seal upon your arm;

for love is strong as death,

jealousy is cruel as the grave.

It flashes are flashes of fire,

a most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,

neither can floods drown it.

 

(Song 8:6-7 RSV)

Our Wedding Ceremony: Gathering Words

 

 

I recently stumbled across a program from our "Bollywood Farm Wedding." And, I realized that I had never actually written about how I created our Wedding Ceremony, which is a shame because it was what I put most of my energy into.

Let me tell you, it's hard to find an "Inter-faith Jain Wedding Ceremony" floating around the Internet. Or even an "Indian Inter-Faith Wedding Ceremony." I looked and looked and looked.

I wanted to use some Jain Prayers and pay homage to my Husband's Indian heritage without being sacrilegious. He didn't want to be married by a Priest and have a traditional Jain Ceremony.

If we weren't going to be married by a Jain Priest, I thought it would be poignant to be married by our Mothers. But, his is very shy, so my Mama was the sole Officiant. My parents were married by a relative and my Grand-parents were married by my Great-great-grandfather. So, it seemed right.

Our Ceremony began when my Husband processed out with 20 or so of his friends and cousins in an "Informal Baraat".

Then, his Brother and Father welcomed everyone. His Mother and an Auntie said the Navakar Mantra. And, then there was the Bridal Procession (more on that later).

My Mother then spoke these Gathering Words.

I love this quote...


"Each of us was brought into the world without any decision of his own. Each of us was stamped with the condition of mortality from the moment of conception. And so, of the three most significant events in our lives, birth, marriage, and death, it is only marriage that we have the full power of personal decision."

                                     -Robert Senghas

Three Years.

Happy Anniversary, My Love.

Thanks for showing me what loyalty looks like every single day.

Thanks for teaching me how to be silly with the girls.

Thanks for being my very own personal chef.

Thanks for dealing with all the hordes of art supplies and herbs that I keep collecting.

Thanks for coordinating all the tiny details of our lives.

Thanks for going grocery shopping with our Eldest.

Thanks for making sure I get the alone time I need.

Thanks for answering all my annoying computer questions.

Thanks for making the bed in the Morning and putting your clothes in the hamper at Night.

Thanks for being willing to constantly go outside your comfort zone.

Thanks for being okay with us having different last names.

Thanks for helping me learn how to be better about time management (obviously I still have a long ways to go).

Thanks for going along with most of my crazy ideas.

Thanks for being such an amazing Support Person during the Births of both of our children.

Thanks for agreeing not to have a T.V. in the Living Room (even though it kills you).

Thanks for possessing the best lap in the World.

Thanks for holding my hand when I need it.

Thanks for infecting my Life with even more enthusiasm (if that is possible).

Thanks for driving us most places and for not getting (too) annoyed with my back-seat driving.

Thanks for working so hard and bringing home such delicious bacon.

Thanks for all your sappy sweet talk.

Thanks for doing all the things like dealing with the Mean Passport Lady.

Thanks for going to the both the PAIRS class and the ABC Parent Classes with me (even though you REALLY didn't want to).

Thanks for getting me a fancy Gym Membership, so I can take care of myself.

Thanks for the not fun job of paying my Student Loans each and every Month.

Thanks for constantly surprising me with good chocolate and good cheese.

Thanks for being willing to drive the crappy car to work, so I can drive the nice car.

Thanks for calling 10 times in an hour when you are worried about me.

Thanks for giving me two Curious, Bright-Eyed, Darling Little Girls.

Thanks for expressing your deep appreciation for me every single day.

Thanks for being on My Team.

Thanks for reminding me of all the good in our Marriage when I just want to give up.

The last three years have been intense, we've both been stretched and challenged in ways we never expected. I am so very proud of you and the person you have become. Thanks for choosing to spend the rest of your Life with me.

I love you.

P.S. I love remembering our Vows. Here are mine. And here are yours.

Barmstorming Tour This Saturday, June 8, 2013, 10 am - 4 pm

 

 

 

One of my favorite things to photograph is an old Barn. I love the textures and shapes and the light you can find when inside a Barn. If you are like me and think such things beautiful, you are in luck because this Week-end in Frederick County, MD there will be a Barnstorming Tour.

 



 

 

 

 



 

According to Frederick County Landmarks Foundation's website, "Frederick County Landmarks Foundation will present the 7th Annual Barnstormer's Tour and Plein Air Paint-Out on Saturday, June 8, 2013, 10 a.m. – 4 p.m.

This popular annual self-guided tour calls attention to these beautiful old structures and their importance to our agricultural heritage. The tour provides a rare opportunity to gain access to some of our most scenic and private farm properties. This year's tour will feature barns at seven farms in the Urbana, Monrovia, and Ijamsville area, south of Frederick, Md."

 

Here is my blog post about the Barmstorming Tour from last year.

 

All photos courtesy of Priscilla Rall.

 

 

My Husband's Wedding Vows

Today, is the last day of my Month of Love. I thought it would be nice to end with sharing my husband's Wedding Vows. You can find my Wedding Vows here.

I have so much to say but so little time. These Vows on this paper are my Promise to you, but I can never write how much you mean to me on a single piece of paper.

I decided to start with the first day we met. As I recall, we met at Raj and Erin's party at about 1:30 am and my pick-up line was I am "6'2, 220 pounds with a rocket laser arm." A line that I stole from a Peyton Manning commercial. Then, I proceeded to have a dance off to win a date with you. And, a few dates and dinners and many dance-offs, later...

I am standing here getting married to the most wonderful person I have ever met.

So, when I decided to writes these vows, I had a few things in mind. First, I though about what makes "us" us. And, I though about our differences. We may be the two most different people in the whole world.


You like Art, English, Reading, History
I like Business, Math and Finance

You like Ballets and Art Shows
I like Football

You like to walk
I like to sit

You like reading books
I like reading reading business proposals

I like Hot 99.5 and you hate it

You kinda like the Lion King
I think it's the best movie ever made

You are White
I am Brown

You are from Maryland
I am from Virginia

But, when I think of our differences, it really makes us closer. You have opened my eyes to so many things and I am so grateful for everything you have showed me. The most exciting part of our relationship is that our differences give us a chance to learn about one another and that every day, I know I will learn something new. I will never be bored because you are so passionate about life and you show it every moment.

Second, I thought about our similarities. And, I thought about how we love to cook and dance and then, I thought about our Core Values. That's what made me fall in love with you. Our Loyalty, our Compromise, Our Understanding, Our Hope, Our Forgiveness, Our Kindness, Our Open-ness, Our Laughter, Our Love and most importantly, our Friendship.

Friendship to me is one of the most important things that I have to offer you. Today, I stand here and let you know that you are my best friend for life. I want you to know that I promise to love you, I promise to take care of you, I promise to be a great partner and father. And, most importantly, I promise to be your friend. I could not be happier to marry my best friend. I love you.

My Wedding Vows

 

 



Guess what I found while packing up last night? A copy of my Wedding Vows! It was perfect timing because there is nothing like Moving to bring out the Grouch in everyone. My husband and I have been bickering A LOT during the last week. So, finding my Vows was a good reminder to be extra-kind to each other during this stressful time.


You came into my life unexpectedly and I resisted at first. You promised that all you needed was one chance and you were right. I have learned that you stand behind your promises. Today, I make you the ultimate promise.  I promise to spend the rest of our lives together as your Beloved.

I found inspiration in the Buddhist precepts for my vows.

I promise to wake up each morning with the following intentions.

May I be generous and helpful.
May I be faithful.
May I be patient and forgiving.
May I be energetic and persevering.

As we start our life together as husband and wife, I look forward to us living life with a joint purpose. I look forward to us loving each other and shining together in that love. Let us grow together whenever possible and understand the other's growth when separate from our own. Let us not swerve from the path of our love, devotion, and commitment and friendship with each other. May we both remember to be complementary and peaceful in our thoughts, speech, actions and feelings.

You are my mirror, my journal where I will record my history. you will help me know myself and remember myself. I promise to be your mirror, your journal.

Finding a Peaceful Moment Together During Your Wedding Day

On Tuesday, Papa Bear and I celebrated our 2nd Wedding Anniversary.

He had to work late but he sweetly brought home two fruit tarts for us to share. Sadly, we both passed out from exhaustion after we put our daughter to bed (and before we could devour those tarts together). Our Anniversary, didn't work out as planned (including our Anniversary Beach Trip where I ended up with a migraine for 2 of the 3 days).

Like Weddings (Life, in general)....things rarely go as planned (this is something difficult for my husband "the Planner" to accept).

One part of our "Bollywood Farm Wedding," I was really looking forward to was taking 15 minutes after we got married to hide away in a secret spot and be TOGETHER. I wanted a few peaceful, quiet minutes to savor together without being bombarded by the music and all the well-wishes from our very loving friends and family.

My husband didn't get it but he agreed to my idea. I had this idea that we would rush up the hill after getting married and race into the room we had chosen. And, then we would spend those 15 minutes feeling super-connected and staring into each other's eyes. It didn't happen that way...and that's okay.

We were constantly stopped on our way there, so it ended up taking at least 20 minutes to get there. I also didn't take into consideration how hyper and excited my husband gets in social settings. He was bouncing off the walls and peaking out the window to look at everyone. Not exactly the peace I was imagining but it was still a very special, beautiful time.

We talked about the ceremony and my dress and how amazing everything was while I put on more make-up. We tried to figure out where the van was going that we spied leaving (very generous friends were making a beer run ALREADY). We hugged and kissed and maybe squealed a little. It was just what we needed.

So, I try and tell folks planning their wedding, how very nice it is to have those little moment of Peace tucked into your schedule.

I will always treasure ours....Happy 2nd Anniversary Papa Bear!!!! Cheers to many, many more....I Lava You....

(Here I am in my parent's bathroom. This is the room we ended up being secluded in..no photos were taken during those 15 minutes, so this will have to do.)

Courage during Wedding Planning

Having a trans-cultural relationship definitely made our wedding planning easier. There were little expectations on how a Jain-American wedding should look. If my husband had married an Indian woman, I'm sure it would have taken more courage to "step outside the box." Since I am writing about courage this month this month, I thought I'd include a discussion on what bits of our wedding took some courage.

Things that Took Courage

1. No diamond ring. I've never wanted a diamond ring, so this one was easy. It wasn't so easy for my mother-in-law who was convinced that I didn't have one because my husband couldn't afford one. I was very happy with the simple amber ring I picked out a few weeks before he proposed. It was nice to have a ring to point to even if most people didn't "get" why it wasn't a diamond. After our wedding, I stopped wearing the amber ring because I love the simple, clean look of only wearing my silver band.


2. Unusual Setting. Indian weddings are ALWAYS in a hotel or a ballroom, so I know I know my husband and his parents were stepping outside their comfort zone by planning a wedding on my family's farm.

3. Our officiant was my mother. This one was pretty unusual for whatever type of wedding you attend. But in my family there is a tradition of family members acting as officiants (my parents got married by my uncle, my grandparents by either my great-grandfather or great-great-uncle....I can't remember).  I really wanted both our mothers to marry us. I thought it was a beautiful sentiment having our mothers (who brought us into this world) join us together in marriage. But my mother-in-law is not comfortable with public-speaking, so my mother graciously agreed to be the sole officiant.


4. I assembled and created our ceremony. The ceremony was the most important part of the wedding for me, so that is where I focused my energy. I wanted to capture both our personalities as individuals and as a couple, while also honoring my husband's religious tradition without being sacrilegious. It was tough but I am so proud of the end result.


5. My biological father wasn't invited. This was the toughest decision, I had to make. I figured if I invited him he wouldn't come anyway. But, I knew there was a very tiny chance he would and then it put a damper on the day for my step-father. Calling my father, afterwards, was really, really difficult and I know he was hurt. But, I don't regret my decision. Weddings are often full of tough decisions and accepting that reality is part of being a full-fledged adult.

6. We planned the wedding in 5 weeks. It took a lot of courage to say, "we can plan a meaningful, beautiful, joyful at-home wedding in 5 weeks" (especially in a culture that says you need at least a year to plan). The challenge forged our family into a much tighter unit. I've become a bit fan of short engagements now!